Eve and I

Eve had a pair of luscious thick lips. Lips that said “Eat me”. Moist, partially, teeth bite, open lips. She was hungry. When that stupid serpent offered her a red shiny apple, it’s promise of truth and paradise, Eve grabbed the snake instead, broke its neck, smashed it against the tree and swallowed it whole. Then she turned to what she craved most,  the true object of her desire – her, sitting across the room.

Freedom is a kayak floating, alone on a silent dark lake flooded with fullmoon light

Freedom is a kayak floating

Freedom is a kayak

Freedom is floating

Freedom is a lake

Freedom is the night

Freedom is the moon

Freedom is silent

Freedom is silence

But silence speaks with midnight whispers softly across wooden jetties

Bathing blue crystals for eternity’s sake, for healing

Or on the post- it note silence passes to me.

It reads – I’m so proud of you for coming this far.

And then another – The stars were so beautiful this morning. Meet me at the same place tomorrow before dawn.

I folded the note tightly, put it on my bedside table and set my alarm clock.

When just before dawn I woke up to the alarm bell,

Fearing I had missed her,

Maybe she wouldn’t be there,

I hurried to the jetty and there she was.

I was so ecstatic and relieved

I said – Good Morning!

At first she ignored me, as silence tends to do.

Trying to impress her, engage her, remind her I was there,

Pointing, I said – Look, a shooting star!

She nodded, then hushed me like a baby.

She later left me another note in my room.

It read – You talk too much. Just let it be.

That night I paddled the kayak, alone, floated it out onto the silent dark lake flooded with fullmoon light and I cried, like a new born baby.

The Big Bang

Once upon a time, before cities, and roads, and television and the Internet, before amusement parks and cinemas, fast food restaurants, before radio or even music, before animals or you or me there was Air and there was Earth.

In the beginning there was heaven and there was hell. There was the sky above and the earth below.

But even before all that was…

Under the cover of darkness, the black limousine pulled up to the curb and I got in with my small suitcase. As the car drove off, my eyes slowly getting used to the night, I realized I was not alone. The flare of passing streetlights revealed them both to me: a woman and a man.

“Hello Elaine.” The woman spoke.

A woman in her late 70s was dressed in a conservatively black but yet stylish dress, her straight hair cut to shoulder showing her grey. Her neck revealed a small pearl necklace. From her wrist, a jeweled bracelet hung tightly, like hand cuffs.

The man, still sitting in the shadows, said nothing.

I checked my phone for messages. I suddenly wanted to call someone, home, a loved one?

“You’re phone is blocked. It’s for your own safety.”

The limo raced through the empty streets, a pair of motorcyclists in dark helmets rode tandem closely.

“Do you know who we are?” She spoke again.

“I suppose not.” She said and after a beat, “I suspect you don’t know who you are much less who we are.”

I struggled with my phone as the battery died. Trying to relax, I leaned back into the leather seat. Staring out the window, the shadows now appeared like apparitions.

A sense of urgency suddenly came over me. I wished the car would go faster.

She read my mind.

“Don’t worry. We’re taking you to a safe house.” She said.

There was much to fear and nothing at all. I felt safe. There was so much at stake. I could feel it.

“You need protection.”

Who am I?

“You are very special. You are not at you but a living truth and your truth must be revealed.”

What is the truth?

“You are my dear.”

Why is the truth in danger?

“The truth is always in danger.”

How will it be revealed?

“The truth will be revealed through your flesh. Through your flesh people will be able to see.”

Does the truth hurt?

“Yes dear, the truth does indeed hurt, doesn’t it?”

I pressed my hand to my aching chest, the chronic heartburn I had endured most of my life, the constant catching of breath?

Why does it hurt?

“Because it is more than most people can take. That ache in your chest is more than just personal pain and suffering, it is an immense ocean of love and grief, of life and death, of endings and beginnings, the infinite, the universal crushed down into one being, one organ, one atom, one word – one.”

“You do not have a heart. You have a whole.”

Something huge was imploding in my chest as she spoke, expanding as I tried to breathe in. I felt the black hole begin to consume me from the inside.

Soon we would all just be particles.

Breathe you in

Was this the beginning or the end?

“This is most definitely a beginning. Try to breathe normally. It will only hurt more if you try to hold it in.”

Let go. Let go. Let it all go.

As a child, I found calm in holding my breath under water that I would do it all the time.

“You can’t stop it. Just try to breathe.”

The importance of breath – all I want is to breathe.

Hyperventilating, I pressed down the window. The wind was still. I gasped for air.

Where are we now?

“We are moving.” She said.

We are constantly moving, backwards and forwards.

Outside the limo, the streets all looked the same, like being in a loop, a spinning loop in time.

Always now.

Timeless.

What will happen when it explodes?

“Then there will be light.”

There were no stars in the sky that night.

Without light there is no reflection.

Taking hold of my hand and leaning into me, she whispered, “The stars can’t shine without you, Elaine”

A tidal wave of love suddenly overwhelmed me, and as I gripped her hand more tightly, love flooded all around us, drowning my face, and my hands as I tried to cover my tears.

The woman pulled the mask from my face, I dropped my hands to my lap.

“Don’t be afraid to show what you are.”

I am everything.

Outside the window the world began to blur out into speed trails.

“We won’t make it to the safe house,” the woman said to the man. He nodded.

“It’s time.”

Duality

Timeless                                                   Now

 

Everything

Love

 

Love                                                                                                                 Love

 

Altogether                                                                                                      One

 

Forever                                                                                                     Together

 

Never

Always

 

True

Hands

Warm                                                          Breath

 

Naked

 

Weightless                                                                                          Wonder

Wishes

Home

Belonging

Happy

Healthy

Lightness

Slowly

Rising

Ready

New

Start

Nowhere

Near

Nothing

 

 

the world is indeed a wondrous place.

as your words cut me

I do bleed

profusely

But it is not me that bleeds

But my ego

Because nothing can hurt the universal me

I know the you that you know is hurting

and that my words hurt you too

and even though the intention is not to hurt

we do.

we do because words are like paper cuts

shallow but excruciating

misunderstanding

miscommunication

manipulation

i see you

and through you

and pray to the goddesses that one day

soon

you will see yourself

as i see you

i see you as you are

everything that hurts

and it hurts to be you

and it hurts to be me

words cannot understand

that you in me

and i know you prayed for this

and i know your prayers were not in vain

or ego stained

and i know you wanted to be

me

as i wanted to be you

the thing is

we are already

are

remember your prayers

the goddesses were very generous when they said yes

but they cannot abide by ungratefulness and laziness

i know now

that lakshmi

abundant and beautiful

has a shadow

nothing is given freely

this is the nature of the universe

all things need balance and must be appreciated

i am blessed

and awakened

to the recklessness of my habits

and to the truth in my heart

your heart

her heart

do not mistaken your suffering as mistakes

they are simply reminders

that you do not exist

only the universe does

and it exists at her generous will.

the cloud is not me

your soul does not hate me

only the ego hates

to be destroyed is the most painful transformation

but it is inevitable

in love

i am suffering

i know you know how this feels

i cry everyday for my old self

it is physically unbearable

but I know now

I know now

I know now

that this end, this destruction

this transformation

is a prayer waiting to be fulfilled

a wish wanting to be granted

to set the universe in its rightful balance.